3 Kinds of Resistance that Keep You Stuck in Conflict

Brief 

Resistance — whether it’s yours or a co-worker’s — can prevent us from having necessary, difficult conversations about workplace tensions, writes Marlene Chism. Accepting your circumstances “may include setting boundaries, asking for what you want or gathering more information, but at least you’re moving forward and out of resistance,” Chism writes

Insight

If you’ve been in leadership long enough, you’ve witnessed difficult personalities within every level of the organization, from the C-suite to the employee, and from the boardroom to the classroom.

Sometimes the most difficult people are brilliant, talented, well-connected and resourceful, yet working with them is energy-draining. At first it seems that the problem is personality, temperament or positional power. The tendency is to cope using aggression, avoidance or appeasing.

The real problem is how we mismanage conflict by resisting it. Resistance slows us down, yet we all resist. We resist looking honestly at what’s required of us in a difficult situation. We resist initiating an honest conversation that could promote understanding. We resist our own growth when we use aggression to even the score or appeasing to keep the peace.

There’s another way to see difficult situations and people — as opportunities to strengthen conflict capacity. The key is to identify resistance and use the three levels of resistance as “resistance training” to become a more competent leader.

Level 1: Your Resistance

Notice your own resistance to high-conflict situations and individuals. If you avoid initiating a conversation with a “difficult employee,” that’s resistance. When you’re preoccupied by a wrong-doing and waste time retelling the story, that’s resistance. When you appease an opinionated board member but secretly resent their stubbornness, that’s resistance. Resistance is the non-acceptance of reality and the inability to see your choices.