Brief
Discover the key to building fantastic relationships and regaining your power by having difficult conversations. Learn why we avoid them and what to think about when dealing with them.
Insight
A few years ago, a mentor of mine shared some profound insight with me. He said that often, there is only one thing standing between us and the kind of relationships we desire: a ten-minute, sweaty-palmed conversation that we are too afraid to have.
e went on to explain that by avoiding these difficult conversations, we give away our power to others and create unnecessary complications in our relationships. Although I have had my fair share of challenging conversations over the years, I am still surprised by how easy it is to avoid discussing difficult topics due to fear of discomfort or repercussions.
Why do we avoid having difficult conversations? There are several reasons. Firstly, we live in a culture of blame and avoidance where it is easier and more socially acceptable to blame others or avoid conflict. Secondly, we have all had painful experiences dealing with difficult situations and conversations in the past, leading us to protect ourselves.
Finally, discussing sensitive topics makes us vulnerable, which can be frightening due to past experiences or exposing ourselves to emotions such as pain, hurt, disappointment, shame, and failure.
It takes courage to have these sweaty-palmed conversations, but it is essential to build fantastic relationships. Here are a few things to think about when dealing with a difficult conversation:
Firstly, take responsibility for the situation and recognize that you are part of the issue. Address the conflict directly, promptly, and with vulnerability. Seek to understand the other person’s perspective and use “I” statements to communicate your own perspective without blame or judgment.
Strive for a win-win resolution that empowers everyone involved, and acknowledge others for being willing to engage in the conversation.
Finally, remember to have compassion for yourself in the process and seek support when needed. It is crucial to acknowledge that the lack of safety can be tied to various factors such as race, gender, orientation, positional power, or other factors, which makes being vulnerable more challenging and even scary.
In conclusion, engaging effectively in difficult conversations is essential to building deep and authentic relationships. While it may be challenging and require courage, it is worth the effort to overcome our fears and avoid giving away our power to others.
By taking responsibility, addressing conflicts directly, seeking to understand, using “I” statements, striving for win-win solutions, acknowledging others, and having compassion for ourselves, we can navigate difficult conversations effectively and strengthen our relationships.
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